The Ultimate Guide: How not to be a Spiritual W*nker - The Hero's Academy

The Ultimate Guide: How not to be a Spiritual W*nker

Morning team!

Now that we know you a little better, we think it’s time for some cheekiness.  Why? Because life, especially personal development without laughter and a decent amount of cheek is boring to say the least.

So here is the The Hero’s Academy’s 6 best ways not to be a spiritual w*nker 

1) Stop telling people how spiritual you are

This is a big one!

Going to Bali, taking mushrooms and getting laid for the first time in 7 years doesn’t automatically qualify you as a “conscious sex” therapist.   Yes, you may be talking in profoundly spiritual terminology but what you’re really saying is “look at me, look at me” in the most “unattached” way, and we see you. 

Take a moment to check in with which part of you needs everyone in the room (especially the ones you find most attractive) to know just how spiritual you are.  It’s probably not your soul, it is boss?

2) Be kind to yourself

So much of our collective w*ankerdom and need to be seen, comes from a feeling of deep and profound insecurity and unworthiness.  While some people might buy into your “i’m special, I really am” bullsh*t, it might be an idea to stop looking for outside sources of self-justification and start within with a little ol’ fashioned self-love.

It’s literally the best game in town and will certainly stop you needed to pitch yourself, your dreams and how worthy you are in each and every moment. 

3) Just because you’re Vegan…

Here it is straight….


No-one, literally no-one gives a sh*t that you’re vegan. 

No-one except you, that is.

Yes, it’s great and we salute your choice but please, please, don’t keep pitching it, like every 5 minutes.

It’s cool, it’s healthy and i’m sure it’s spiralizer fun fun, but the making it so well know is a full-on cornerstone of spiritual w*nkerdom and just not cool.

Stop it!

4) Super long eye-contact when you first meet someone 

JP sears nails this one in how to be ultra-spiritual (please see link at the bottom)

This is for all of you that desperately need to make conscious eye contact with everyone.

Yes, we do live in a time of depleted conscious contact.  People the world over are touch starved and we all need to deepen our relationships in the most beautiful ways.

However, broheim…

Super long, creepy eye contact lacks any awareness of the other party and where they are at on their journey and needs to be reined in bossi boss.  It’s just a bit weird and ironically it lacks the empathy and compassion you are so desperately trying to prove you exude.  

Take a moment, think about it, loosen up a little.

5) Stop being so impressed with yourself

If you’re that guy (it is mainly guys, sorry) that is just so impressed with how spiritual/well-travelled/sexually expressed/charitable/evolved you are, you’re probably a w*nker.

I’m sorry to say it, but to stand here in wonderment at the words coming out of your own mouth as if there are dripping in honey from the bees of Mother Isis herself then you’re probably missing the point somewhat.

Empty glass, bossi boss, open heart, listen, learn and when it doubt…

Shut the fu*k up

6) No one cares what your moon sign is

Yes, we agree the celestial bodies do certainly have a bearing on our wellbeing and a Leo is certainly different to an Aquarius in many many ways.  However, do you know what’s much sexier, funnier and more attractive than blaming your behaviour on your sun, moon and rising signs?….

Taking fu*king responsibility for your life

Yes you, the Leo rising, Taurus moon guy in the 70s t-shirt and board shorts.

Take a moment, take a breath, take responsibility!

And know that we love you, for you, not how you define yourself through the medium of your horoscope.

Put the smudge stick down and come in for a hug, you big man-bear you!

We hope you liked our magic guide, cheeky we know, but we’ve spent too many hours at the juice bar of the yoga center, drinking turmeric shots not to say something!

We wish you a magical day!!! 

The Hero’s Academy 

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